5 Things Women Should Never Say When Negotiating

I find it shocking that in the 21st century, women still make less than men. The facts are sobering: The average woman makes about 77 percent of a man’s salary in the same position. Asking for what you want—and deserve—can help move that 77 percent toward 100.

I’m sorry

Women tend to apologize for things they shouldn’t. Apologizing in the negotiating room lessens the weight of your argument. Stay away from saying things like, "I’m sorry to ask for this, but I feel that I deserve a raise."

Don't discount your worth right out of the gate with language like, "My rate is $5,000. I know that's a lot, so I’m willing to take 20 percent off for you."

“Just stop apologizing, period,” Pynchon adds. “You are already being valued less because you are a woman. Be confident.”

What if you receive blowback?

“Say, ‘I’m surprised that you would pay me anything less than market value,’” Pynchon says. “Don’t get mad back at them, just be measured and direct the conversation to a resolution.”

I feel

It may be second nature to express how you feel about a topic, but those words need to be kept out of negotiations, according to Beverly D. Flaxington, co-founder of The Collaborative, a business consultancy in Medfield, Mass.

“Most negotiations are about facts, data and information. Once you talk about feelings, you lose credibility,” she says. “Asking the other person how they feel can be off-putting. Why are you trying to understand what’s underneath their actions?”

OK (at first offer)

Pynchon instructs her clients to always make the first proposal. If the hiring representative says no to your proposal, respond with questions.

“Say, ‘what about this offer is not palatable to you?’ she says. “Start high or low enough to permit them to make at least three concessions.”

I never thought of that

Do your research pre-negotiation. If, during the process, the opposing party presents something surprising (or outright shocking), maintain composure, advises Alan Guinn, managing director and CEO of The Guinn Consultancy Group in Bristol, Tenn.

“Then walk away from the table, do your research and come back,” he says. “Always let the other side of the negotiation assume that you know everything about a topic.”

No

The point of a negotiation is to “drive the conversation to an agreement,” says Pynchon. Saying ‘no’ closes off the conversation and makes it difficult to start back up.

Pynchon offers an example: Your hourly fee is $350 but a potential client tells you he can only pay $200 per hour. Instead of saying no, ask "Why it is you can’t pay more than $200 for this service?" Or, try something like this: "Having talked about my services, I think that I will benefit your company in X ways. What is it about this figure that is [difficult] for you?"

Continue the conversation with phrases such as "I hear what you are saying," and "Tell me something about that."

She says, “It's all about active listening and trust building.”