Murphy's bywords

Trust everybody ... then cut the cards.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
Exceptions prove the rule ... and wreck the budget.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
Quality assurance dosen't.
The tough part of a Data Processing Manager's job is that users don't really know what they want, but they know for certain what they don't want.

Exceptions always outnumber rules.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research No one is listening until you make a mistake.
He who hesitates is probably right.
The ideal resume will turn up one day after the position is filled.
If somthing is confidential, it will be left in the copier machine.
One child is not enough, but two children are far too many.
A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.
The hardness of the butter is in direct proportion to the softness of the bread.
The bag that breaks is the one with the eggs.
When there are sufficient funds in the checking account, checks take two weeks to clear.
When there are insufficient funds, checks clear overnight.
The book you spent $20.
95 for today will come out in paperback tomorrow.
The more an item costs, the farther you have to send it for repairs.
You never want the one you can afford.
Never ask the barber if you need a haircut or a salesman if his is a good price.
If it says "one size fits all," it dosen't fit anyone.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
Love letters, business contracts and money due you always arrive three weeks late, whereas junk mail arrives the day it was sent.
When you drop change at a vending machine, the pennies will fall nearby, while all other coins will roll out of sight.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Experience is somthing you don't get until just after you need it.
Life can be only understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.
Interchangable parts won't.
No matter which way you go, it's uphill and against the wind.
If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by statistical methods.
Work is accomplished by those employees who have not reached their level of incompetence.
Progress is made on alternative Fridays.
No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.
The hidden flaw never remains hidden.
As soon as the stewardess serves the coffee, the airline encounters turbulence.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either of them being made.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
When reviewing your notes for a test, the most important ones will be illegible.
A free agent is anything but.
The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
The one item you want is never the one on sale.
The telephone will ring when you are outside the door, fumbling for your keys.
If only one price can be obtained for a quotation, the price will be unreasonable